I'll be honest with you. After my exuberant decision to cut off The Grecian, I hesitated. It took me a while to remember what I wanted. The trouble is, he's so good to me and so in love with me that it makes me want to keep him, much like you'd keep a puppy.
As some of you know, I was in Bosnia for a week. It was for a conference on motivation, management etc.. as I'm now the president for the Edinburgh branch of the organisation, I was forced to go. I'm so glad I did. It gave me a week's respite to clear my head, to remember what it was that I wanted to acheive, and most of all- it proved that I'm just not in love. I'm ashamed to admit that the week before I left, I managed to pull an Irish friend of a friend- an architect new to Edinburgh, who loves the Once soundtrack, Irish music and acoustic guitar, who loves to travel and is old-fashionedly courteous. He left me a dozen voicemail messages the night we met as I went back to The grecian's, my cheeks burning with the shame of a reluctant cheat. We met up a few days later for a drink and it just got better- except, I felt the double knell of doom- I didn't want to be with the Grecian as I didn't want anyone and here I was entertaining the thought of being with someone else. In fact, the very thought of undressing in front of a new pair of eyes just maddens me.. in a bad way- I don't want the stress of all that.
Anyway, I've been in Bosnia for a week, with 40 odd other young people. I have to say, most of them appeared to be severely sexually frustrated, despite boyfriends/girlfriends at home, they were all climbing each other in some hedonistic Dante's inferno. One girl pulled about 7 of the participants, including another girl. I refused to pull anyone- despite 4 keen men trying me on for size. I resented their expectation that I would kiss them/sleep with them and for that I pulled myself back. I flirted with my colleagues from scotland, knowing that they'd take my friendliness in good grace and not assume I was trying anything.
I became friendly with one of the participants. He mentioned a girlfriend casually at the beginning but was always attentive- saving me a place, getting me a beer, offering to dance with me. I kind of felt he was pushing at me the same way but in his case I didn't mind. I never mentioned a boyfriend but to be honest, I didn't think about the Grecian at all over my trip. I didn't think about being available but not about being taken either. Anyway, as it worked out- his days of peeling off beer labels from bottles paid off. After one joke too many from me about his expression of frustration, we walked back to the hotel alone and kissed halfway home.
A puppy ran up to us while we kissed and befriended us. Then we couldn't get rid of it and it followed us all the way home ot the hotel and barked in confusion when we'd pause for another kiss. The kind of kiss I haven't had since M- the kind that sends lightning all the way through. The tension was unbelieveable. We just couldn't leave each other alone.. but we did, eventually- I went to sleep in the girls' room and he went to his. But before, we had to get rid of the puppy. My new friend said that the only way to get rid of it would be to be mean to it, either kick it lightly away or ignore it. If you show it any love, it'll keep hoping. So, much like the puppy, when I came home- I showed no love so that the Grecian wouldn't keep hoping.
Trouble is, I think he will...
