The rumours on the street are true! Monkey is able to to have grown up discussions, like, for reals and shit.
Last night MonkeyPie went to a grown up dinner party hosted by a 36 year old woman. This in itself is a sign of grown-upness as it contrasts heavily to her usual debauched sophisticated drinkfest dinner with her 20 year old chums.
So there we were, all sat talking, actually talking, about restorative justice, methodology and the evolution of language. I've not been so taken by another woman for a long while. Here she was, this devine creature with her slightly accented english, talking about her masters dissertation whilst serving out aubergine lasagne (I was promptly ill, however, as she didn't know I can't eat milk, nevermind) and showing us a traditional greek dance, which I, of course, am familiar with but Lion had never seen. Anyway, I found this woman enchanting but she also immediately worried me because she said she'd been offered a studentship in Edinburgh but was declining it as she felt she was too old to keep putting her life off. From this, I think she was infering she wanted to settle, presumably in Greece, and felt working here another 3 years was a hinderance. Then I realised how easy it is to fall into this trap, to wake up, be 36, single and highly achieved but not to have some of the basic things some women hope for. When ought you start worrying about these things? Should you plan? Assuming dating takes 1 year, engagement 6 months and respectable marriage before kids a further 6 months, I need to put aside 2 years of prep before I can have my first child. So lets say I'll be 30, I'll have to hunt and kill down the man of my life when I'm 28. Phew, 3 more years of freedom.
Lion and I then went on to discuss the "epidemic" (his words) of the single 30-something. He thinks it's because women are searching for someone too perfect, that they're stuck on the Disney syndrome. I admit I have this but I would never admit it to him. I would never tell him that I'm seeing him in the knowledge that I've sacrificed a few ex-necessary criterias to be with him. He's under the impression that I think he's pretty damn near perfect, which is good, he should think highly of himself but he's not strictly that perfect for me. That's the crucial difference. He's not in any way musical, he's not a linguist, he's too indulgent- which jarrs with my tendency to spartanism- and he's a little irritating in his self confidence.
So, when he turns round and sagely paints all women with the same brush, I get annoyed. Why should women have to put up with second best? I agree that priorities change and maybe Mr Right-for-the-moment is different to Mr Perfect and maybe it is that you make an active decision to compromise and settle for Mr Moment as opposed to Mr Perfect but it's not always that simple. Also, his implication is that all these poor women are waiting around at home, wringing their hands in supplication to the God of dating that they'll send her someone soon. Some women choose to be single. God knows that I'm happy being single, especially if compared to being unhappy in a relationship. He basically honestly thinks that men save these women from themselves. That these men in shining armour take these vulnerable, directionless women off the streets, wed them, impreganate them and then all is right in their world. What an argument we had!!
This wonderful woman I met seemed to not be too bothered about her singleness and I'm sure, should she choose, she'd have a suitable partner in no time. It seems she's preparing for that. What's wrong with having it all? I don't think we shoudl all wait around for 'fate' to deal us the cards we need. Make your own future ladies! Anyway, he also went so far as to say all the best men were taken by the time these women notice their childless lives. That's hardly true- there's always good men around. It's far better to pick someone you have a spark with rather than just settling for someone who'll do. If you're waiting to do it properly, then do it right..
All hail the hypocrite 
Lion and I do have a spark though, it's the only redeeming feature of his calling my hobbies 'interesting'. It's qute frightening to be arguing about something which is quite close to my heart as I know one of my goals in life is to have kids, and I do, personally, want them fairly young (my life plan I drew up aged 18 had pencilled in kids by 26- eek.com: I only have about 6 months left to fulfil this, haha). It's fairly embarrasing laying yourself bare in such a situation. Admitting that you a) want children kind of soon b) admit that a man's input into the deal would be handy. He made it slightly more embarrassing by saying that he forgets how old he is sometimes and how most o fhis friends are married with chidren.
Anyway, I resented giving him fuel for his argument when I don't think I'm necessarily typical. I also resented his implication that these women can't cope on their own. I know many single parent families with bright, happy children.. If he carries on winding me up, I'll pack up and leave and change to women and set up house with my new girl-crush.
That'll learn him.
