..ah yes. I was breaking yet another resolution that I wasn't going to ignore my personal therapy of writing here in order to not let the words crush me from inexpression.

So my bi-annual back pain has resumed. I can't sneeze/cough/laugh without the pre-emptive wince, knowing it'll hurt my back. Such is a slipped disc. Anyway, I'm less incapacitated than last year. It only takes me 10 minutes to get up and down as opposed to never.

Other than that- I went to Polis last weekend for a mini 4 days holiday with a family I'm friendly with and you know- it was great. I'd become depressed without realising. No social contact with intelligent humans for days at a time will do that to you and people's 'avrio avrio' attitude (similar to the maniana of the spanish) means that people are not pushed to include you or to make an effort. Which is fine, I ought to make more effort myself but the truth is I had an intellectual crisis. I'm now a grown woman, I cannot possibly hide behind the fact that I'm not yet wholly financially independent to put off making the sort of decisions I need to make.

Which is this:
I would hate to do this job forever, it's boring already.
I chose this a few years ago because it's the closest I could get to 'drawing' (ha!) but it's so mind numbingly uncreative.
I chose engineering because architects are more unemployable. However, I've come to realise that I ought to have just done it as I like the creative side of building/bridge design, not the calculations- despite the fact I can do them.
The idea of being in an office calculating, without social contact makes me bood freeze.

So! If I can't be in the niche I want to be in, I propose doing something different- hence the intellectual crisis. I'm not proposing being an artist, that's just not going to happen- there's too many of them already for the demand. Although it's possibly the only activity I find so absorbing that I can do it forever.

I'll ponder the question some more. A PhD is a possibility but only if it's something I enjoy and which will bring me closer to a consulting academic. Although I don't think I know my subject inside out enough to actually teach.

Anyway, there was a sewage spill near teh north coast of cyprus the day I decided to go swimming. I body surfed the waves until I realised my eyes stung more than usual and I'm sure the brown sausage I saw bobbing by wasn't seaweed. Closer inspection revealed it to be an aqua poo.
I've not had such a long scrubby shower in a while.